The Thread of Intimacy
Every time I come back I cling to that thread of intimacy that has woven around us in that time. I so look forward to being at home with the family again, but I dread the fact that when I enter that door, the thread will be severed as the day to day takes over.
Liberation through nudity
Yup! On Friday I was booked in with all my freedom loving friends (those of us who have carried on living life together over the last two years, allowing our children to play with their friends, and collectively continuing to know the beauty of a hug!), to go to Harrogate Turkish Baths. It was already a pretty big deal for me, because to wear a swimming costume in front of other people for an extended period of time (not just putting it on and quickly jumping into a pool before someone saw me), has always felt overwhelming. I suffered with an eating disorder in my teens and twenties, and the hang up it has left me with around my body still remains.
The gift of time
Last November I turned 40, and I received so many wonderful gifts! I feel so truly honoured to have such incredible friends + family in my life. One of my closest friends from when I first had Caleb, one of the kindest women I will ever meet, Anna, wrote to me + said to me that her gift to me was time. She is a beautiful artist + she offered me the opportunity to spend time with her in her studio for the day. I was so excited + yesterday was the day. I want to share with you my experience.
The Mothership - an evolution
When I first created The Mothership, some of you may remember that I had a great deal come up for me emotionally, as I was presenting her to the world. She came to me to bring her into the world, but it wasn't until I was in the process of doing so, that I realised that she was me, and by sharing her, by asking other women to join her world, I was laying myself out to full scrutiny + rejection.
Is now the right time to get busy again?
Every year from Christmas to early January, I have little to do with my phone, and certainly nothing to do with work. Over the few days of Christmas itself, I have nothing to do with my phone at all. It feels so incongruent to me to be near it. In fact generally I dislike my phone. I like nothing more than to leave it behind when I go out (once to my misfortune as I got a flat tire, but I made it through with the help of a friendly passer by!). The more I connect to nature through my garden and through foraging, the more of a distaste I have for distraction through being online. That deals with my phone though, what about work?
Guide or By-stander?
I was replying to a message Gus left me, and the realisation came to me that we have moved from the paradigm of ‘controlling’ our children (not good!), to being scared by-standers in their lives! We fear being the overbearing parents of the generations before, which many of us rightly have trauma associated with, on top of societal pressure to pander to our children's every whim. We have therefore moved from one extreme to another, and it has led us to being a by-stander in our child's journey through developing their beliefs and values.
Evolution
Since motherhood I have been presented with many seasons of deep reflection + contemplation. Each time I have been thrown into uncertainty + inadequacy, but I have always welcomed these moments with curiosity + intrigue. I have always had a sense that good was coming as a result of them, and indeed each time these seasons have completed, I have come out as a truer + more authentic version of myself.
Hope
This last week + a half has felt heavy at times, which I think has been experienced by many people recently. With the announcements from Austria + Germany about mandatory j@bs, and seeing the horror happening in Australia, as well as ‘Moronic’ now coming into play, it has been hard at times to stay positive.
Remembrance
Can you feel it too? Tingling in your finger tips? Energetically guiding your movements: asking you to put your bare feet on the earth, your hands in the dirt, your arms out wide, with your heart high and your back strong?
Rest, Connection + Surrender
This week we went to celebrate our 8th year anniversary. We had 3 nights alone. Josh + I try and make sure we have a weekend alone at least once a month. With working from home, and homeschooling our children, as well as me still co-sleeping with them both, and Josh being in Savannah's bed as a result, we feel deeply the need to have that time alone.
Vulnerability
As humans we are designed to be connected to our surroundings, to nature, to the food that nature provides. Going out for a walk + slowly moving through the land, mindfully, looking around with calm purpose, is incredibly meditative. It is SO calming for the nervous system, I cannot tell you. It is SO natural! It is a forgotten part of who we are, but it is one that I am ready to fully remember, and I am committed to helping others do the same.
Mushrooms
We are now firmly in wild mushroom season. If you’d asked me two months ago if I’d reach the point within a two month period, that I could confidently eat 10 wild mushroom varieties then I’d not have believed you. I’m hugely aware of the risk of getting it wrong, and, unlike in other regards, when it comes the possibility of dying from eating a mushroom, I’m not interested in spinning the wheel + hoping for the best. However, I’ve surprised myself.
The Mothership
My whole life really has led to this point. I have never been one to follow the status quo. I have always been striving for something different + something more. Since the beginning of 2020, I have been 'encouraged' to do even more, initially out of the perceived need, but now more + more out of the joy that comes from creating this life with even stronger foundations than I had before.
Freedom of choice
Our choices right now are everything. We may feel that we are having limitations put on us left, right + centre, and that life may be a bit trickier for those of us who choose a particular way, but ultimately we do have choice, and with that comes freedom.
12 (+) years of Motherhood
As I am moving into my 40s in just a month or so now, I realise how true it is that, regardless of having a physical child or not, how much important work we are called to do through this stage of our lives as a woman. Our 30s + 40s call upon us to really know who we are + the gifts that we bring to this world. More + more women of this age are breaking free from the chains that society has tried to pin them down with, and they are realising their potential.
Foraging - My Journey So Far
As humans we are designed to be connected to our surroundings, to nature, to the food that nature provides. Going out for a walk + slowly moving through the land, mindfully, looking around with calm purpose, is incredibly meditative. It is SO calming for the nervous system, I cannot tell you. It is SO natural! It is a forgotten part of who we are, but it is one that I am ready to fully remember, and I am committed to helping others do the same.
Tying up loose ends
In November, I turn 40 and one thing that is coming up in me though is the feeling of change within me as this new decade comes upon me. It isn't because I am spending time thinking really at all about my upcoming 40s, it is in most ways just a number to me, but it is interesting to observe the subtle but noticeable shifts in my mindset around what I want for myself over the next years of my life.
Winding Down & Preparing
This year has seen me learn a lot about growing my own food. We designed + built our own kitchen garden in the back of our house, and I set to work growing in it. One of the things I have learnt is that waiting until March is not ideal to properly have a chance of growing your own garden. Whilst the winding down is happening now, the preparation is too.
