Liberation through nudity
Yup! On Friday I was booked in with all my freedom loving friends (those of us who have carried on living life together over the last two years, allowing our children to play with their friends, and collectively continuing to know the beauty of a hug!), to go to Harrogate Turkish Baths. It was already a a pretty big deal for me, because to wear a swimming costume in front of other people for an extended period of time (not just putting it on and quickly jumping into a pool before someone saw me), has always felt overwhelming. I suffered with an eating disorder in my teens and twenties, and the hang up it has left me with around my body still remains.
The summer of last year I wrote a blog post about recovery from my eating disorder. In almost every way it does not rule my life anymore, and I can oftentimes think I am fully recovered, but I realised last year, that I may never be fully recovered, and that is OK…it is part of my story. You can read that blog post below.
Anyway, Friday comes and as I was getting ready, I couldn't find my swimming costume! There had been some whisperings of going naked by some of the women, but I had taken it as a joke…in that moment though I thought I may have no choice but to! Then I found it. Phew!
On arrival at the baths (which were beautiful, old fashioned, tiled exquisitely from top to bottom) I got dressed and focused calmly on not allowing ‘the voices’ to creep in. We walked into the initial showering room, and the final of a group, Anna, arrived…with a bang! She looked at us, and immediately said: “I am just going to go naked, Austrian style!”. I knew in that moment I couldn't think; a different voice spoke to me: a new and liberated one - I took my swimming costume off with my eyes closed, but my mind + heart open. Our other friend Emily had a look about her of “Are we doing this?” and then quickly took hers off too!
And there we were. In a beautiful space, with 40 other women, the 3 of us, the only ones in our naked glory. Initially we got some looks! (It was allowed by the way!) A few women moved away as we approached them through the steam, as their eyes adjusted to the fact that it was 3 wild women entering the space. Over the 2 hours they all got used to us though, and it began to feel very normal! There was a steam room, and a series of hot rooms, moving up in temperature as you progressed through them. Then there were showers to use in-between sweats, and the plunge pool to use after the sweat shower, before moving to your next sweat experience. The plunge pool was freezing but glorious. The 3 of us did a little perky boobed, hand holding dancing. It all felt wonderful and SO liberating! I cannot wait to go again!
What was really fascinating to see too, was that when it came to the end + women were showering, and getting changed, a higher percentage than you would usually expect to see, did so without hiding. It was almost like they had seen us all that time, and wanted to join us, but didn't know how. I sort of wished I had shouted out as I took my costume off: “Let's all do it!”, and in doing so hopefully given other women permission to do it too. Next time I might! Because there will without doubt be a next time. I am planning it already for March.
This morning I stood in front of the mirror and took a good long look at myself. Since having Savannah something has been out of balance for me (hormones for some variety I expect, caused by lack of sleep, stress, an imbalance from the pregnancy, I don't know), and my body has never returned to how slim I was before I had her. However I couldn't do much more (apart from more exercise!) to keep myself healthy + well, and so I have no regrets. I am what I am. I am grateful for all I am. And I am committed more than ever to showing up…with all of me! (Tears in my eyes…but in the best possible way ---- gratitude - so much gratitude for this life!) Wild swimming next! Looking forward to lots of raw beauty in 2022!
This week’s Podcast: Expression + Dance
This week I am guided towards: Hu Raw Chocolate